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Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
You've arrived back in Waterdeep.
Ladies and gentlemen, Nulara Moonbrook, FlintFirebeard, Thea Amastasia, and Nye Ilmich
have returned from Thay to discuss plans of our final move on the Cult of the Dragon.
What can you tell us of your travels to Xanthal's Tower?
We got through that maze. We made it in the tower.
We got the quote unquote dragon mask, but it was a fake.
The same man who you know as Sir István.
What you have is ownership of Xanthal's Tower.
I climb up onto the big boardroom table.
We are not looking to sell the tower to the highest bidder for the fate of Thay Room.
And I kind of bang my axe on the ground like, yeah!
Pound my hand on the table.
I've got one hand in my pocket and one hand is holding a...
Human finger bone.
Oh boy!
You catch the eye of Nye Ilmich.
It will act, when activated, as a scroll of protection from undead.
Everybody comes back to the table.
So where do we stand?
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We're a D&D 5th edition actual play podcast.
And I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
And with me today is Carla Johnson.
Hey, ooh, number one.
I play new Laura Moonbrook.
And Amy More.
Apparently Russ doesn't love me as much as he used to.
Oh, come on, you've made that joke already.
I have?
Yep.
Tom's always third, so don't say that because then it's kind of sad
as if Russ doesn't love Tom and he does.
I do.
You should do Tom right now.
Show him you love him, Russ.
Yeah, just taking it completely out of context.
How much do you love him, Russ?
Oh god, I'm Tom Laird.
Hey, that's me.
I just meant he should take my spot.
Not in the marriage.
Just in game.
I'm a pretty good baker, so.
Oh, boy.
Master baker.
Oh, no.
Oh, boy.
Wow, we're 30 seconds in and there's already been a masturbation joke
and a Russ and Tom love on each other joke.
What more do you need?
Really, it's a downward slope from here.
Just drag that podcast over the trash can and get rid of it.
Isn't it usually, though?
If two dudes can't platonically love each other, what can they do?
Of course you can platonically love each other.
The one sentence sounded very sexual.
Yeah, it can also not be platonic.
It did.
You should do Tom next.
Yeah, I should rephrase.
I need to have a mental filter.
Yeah, I mean, that would probably help a lot of situations.
I mean, if you're just realizing that now, I don't think it's ever going to happen, Amy.
To be 31 years to realize of dirty pirate mouth.
Who knew?
Where you can hear more of Amy's dirty pirate mouth is over on Patreon,
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast,
where you can join the lovely community we have going over there,
which is very fantastic and we love all of you.
Oh, and we also love you if you're not a member of Patreon.
Also, yeah, that's true.
That's very true.
Also love, if you're a frequent listener, if you're a sometimes listener, if you-
If this is your first episode, welcome aboard.
We love you.
Welcome aboard.
You're our favorite.
But also when you're on Patreon, you get an episode dedicated to you.
So that's where I was getting to.
And today's episode is dedicated to Jonathan.
Jonathan Nguyen.
Thanks, Jonathan.
We love that guy.
You too, Bob.
Love that guy.
You know, I haven't DMed in a while when Russ doesn't get a message from Jonathan going,
um, Tom screwed something up.
He is so helpful.
He knows how to play D&D so much better than I don't want to say we do because y'all are great.
I'm not.
And I appreciate him continuing to listen to our podcast,
even though it's probably very frustrating for him.
I'm always up for tips because I'm not great at it.
And it's very helpful when someone's like, oh, hey, you could have done this.
And I'm like, oh my God, I didn't even think of that.
This is amazing.
I can't even drink out of a cup.
I just spilled water everywhere.
So Jonathan, if you have any tips about how I could drink out of a cup,
I would take those as well.
Jonathan, I'm wondering what I should do with my stock portfolio.
And do you have any tips about that?
Diversify, Amy.
We've been over this.
It sounds like we're joking, Jonathan, but we really do appreciate it.
Of course we do.
And all the support you give.
That's what we do.
Fuck it.
Let's play D&D.
All right.
Last time you guys got some finger bones.
Yeah, we did.
Beg your what?
Beg your excuse me.
We got some secret finger bones.
We didn't want to tell anybody about it.
Are we ashamed of our finger bones?
When Carla said it.
This is where this episode is going.
And you are about to find out if there's any take backsies on any on any people.
I wish we had thought at the beginning of this whole council thing,
like, you know, months ago to say, hey, no take backsies.
Oh, that would solve so many problems.
So hopefully nobody does it.
But I mean, we didn't say it.
So I guess legally they're allowed to take see backsie.
That is the law.
So we come back to the council chamber and Lady Laryl Silverhand has just said,
so who's in and who's out?
I can't remember what she said exactly.
So where do we stand?
Yeah.
So where are we at, my bitches?
She's taking a very casual approach to this.
She got real stressed and went and just took a few from the bar,
is what she did.
He looks around and was like, there's a fucking bar here.
Oh, my God.
We need to spend more time in council.
I'd enjoy these more if I was drunk.
Everybody has taken their seats and there's a calm hush over the chamber,
except for you guys talking about the bar.
And she looks around the room and she says,
The Harpers, where do you stand?
And Remilia Haven Tree, who you met in the very first council meeting,
who told you about the Drakorn and where to find Makkoth stands up.
And she says,
The Harpers will pledge the mages and the scouts.
And she sits back down.
Lady Laryl Silverhand asks,
The Order of the Gauntlet.
Onnthar Froome stands up and he says,
Aye, we pledge the pAlydins of the Order of the Gauntlet
and healing clerics to support the fight against Tiamat's forces.
He looks to you and gives a wink.
I like blow him a kiss.
That's nice.
You shoot him a big thumbs up.
Oh, I do love shooting people a big thumbs up.
Flimps into it.
The Emerald Enclave.
Lady Silverhand says,
And Delayne Winterhound stands up.
And he says,
The Emerald Enclave is in the fight
and pledges the druids, treants, and lycanthropes.
And he sits back down.
I blow him a kiss.
Haven't seen Delayne in a while.
And he is looking fly.
Is he looking fine?
He always does.
He looks a little cleaned up for this one.
Less like he's been out in the forest for a thousand days.
I don't know if that's what you were looking for.
Maybe you were looking for the dirty...
I'd like to be a little more rugged, but it's okay.
That's fair.
Lady Leryl says,
For the Lord's Alliance, I will speak to Waterdeep.
And we will pledge the resources of Waterdeep's army and conscript troops.
Lord Dagult Neverember stands up and he says,
Neverwinter is here to fight.
And we will provide conscript troops and mercenaries from around the world.
Ambassador Conrad Braunenville,
the male dwarf from Mithril Hall, stands up and he says,
Mithril Hall will pledge resources of dwarven fighters,
dwarf-forged armaments, and siege weapons to aid in this battle.
Marshal Alder Ravengaard from Baldur's Gate.
stands up and he says,
For the Lord's Alliance, we will pledge flaming-fist warriors
and expert advisors to train your conscript troops.
More like Baldur's Gate, am I right?
Right?
He looks and gives you a nod.
King Melandrich stands up and says,
The elven eldritch knights will join forces.
Terran Thunderspell's hornblade of silvery moon stands up and he says,
The army of silvery moon, the knights in silver,
and the silvery moon conscripts will join the battle against the cult of the dragon.
Sir Istvall is the last of the Lord's Alliance to stand up.
And he looks around the room and looks to Anthar Frum and he says,
We will pledge the might of Cormyr, including our purple dragon knights and war wizards.
And he sits down and Anthar looks a bit
surprised by the fact that Sir Istvall has pledged his resources.
He's like, that's not what we talked about, bro.
Also, was purple dragon knight a class option? Cause I'm interested.
Yeah, it sounds super cool.
We'll talk about it.
Ryan Nightshade of the Zhentarim stands up.
And she looks to your group and Lady Silverhand says,
Where does the Zhentarim stand?
Ryan Nightshade takes one last look at your group and says,
We will pledge the assassins and the mercenaries that the Zhentarim has to offer.
And she sits back down.
And Lady Silverhand looks around the room and says,
Well, that's everyone here, all following the actions that you have set forth.
And she looks to your group.
We know that we have the support of the metallic dragons.
They will be at our side.
The airships are readied and awaiting deployment.
We shall leave for the Well of the Dragons in but two days.
It is now up to everyone here to ready their troops.
It will be a long journey,
as the might of our force far exceeds the ability to transport them by air.
You all are to make final arrangements because this battle
is not a battle that everyone will come home from.
Thank you for your support.
We will do our best to stop the Cult of the Dragon as a combined force.
And hopefully, a stronger force.
There's a round of applause that begins to go through the chamber.
The mood begins to lighten a little bit.
There seems to be a little hope now that everybody knows that everyone else is in the fight for good.
So go, ready your forces, spend time with those you care about.
Sleep tonight and hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.
And everybody stands up and begins to leave the room.
Ah, well, you guys want to go get drunk?
I mean, yeah, yeah, probably.
Yeah, probably.
We should do it now because then we, like,
cannot drink tomorrow.
We'll be fresh and ready to go when it's time to leave.
Yeah, that's a good call.
You're such a planner.
I love it.
Gotta plan those hangovers.
Uh, hey, Leo-san, what you up to?
Um, well, there's lots of paperwork now that needs to be done.
What are you up to?
Uh, we were going to head to the local tavern
and, you know, thought maybe you might want to come with.
Yawning Portal, join us for a drink.
Eh?
And I'm elbowing him a little bit.
I know I've turned you down in the past, but I think-
Yeah, like every time.
I think today is probably a good day to join you.
Fuck yeah, the world might be ending.
Let's go get a drink.
Fuck yeah.
I clap him on the shoulder, lead him out of the room.
You guys head to the Yawning Portal.
As we're walking there, I kind of like sidle up to him and I'm like,
um, hey, have you ever seen one of these?
And I pull out the finger bone.
That's a human finger bone.
You guys keep weird things.
Yeah, um, it was actually secretly, sneakily given to us
by Tharchin Asseldra.
Yes.
You know, not that I don't trust that bitch.
Cause no, I don't.
I don't trust that bitch.
So I just, you know, wanted a second opinion on it.
Niall Mitch assures us that it is for protection from the undead armies
that the defected or the exile Red Wizards could conjure.
But I just, she made it seem like we should keep it secret and I don't like that.
Well, they've pledged their allegiance and their forces.
Yes.
So what good would it be to harm those they've pledged to assist?
Well, I don't know.
I just don't know why all the secrets.
So I just needed, I just didn't feel good about Ilios
and I just had to get it off my chest.
I mean, we could take it down to Arvid
and he could take a look at it.
Oh man, we should talk to Arvid before we leave.
But first a drink.
Okay. Cause we're walking by his office right here.
He could probably-
Guys, is it okay if we pop into Arvid's or?
Yeah, by all means.
You enter the armory and potions plus for the castle.
Very mercantile name.
Well, he's super creepy.
Everything seems like it would be like really stark and sterile.
You enter and he's writing on a ledger.
He looks up and he says, oh, hello.
Have you ever seen one of these and I show him my finger bone?
Yes. That is a human finger.
And what about the spell that accompanies it?
Well, you know, it's a spell.
You know, it's school.
Abjuration.
Well, it seems you don't need me.
Oh my God.
So you don't have any other information about this?
I jest.
Oh, it's-
You jest what?
He's just goofing, guys.
We should have guessed you're such a jokester.
Somebody finger bone us and we just need to make sure that it's legit.
Push past it.
Get it together, Arvis.
It's Arvid.
Wow. I don't know why that was my reaction.
Sorry. You're right. Names are important.
Yes, of course. Give me the finger.
Are you telling me you want me to finger you?
I'm sorry. I'm drinking vodka.
It's supposed to be rum. Sean says it has to be rum.
I didn't have rum.
Well, the vodka was already in the fridge and cold.
It's in the box. He's already packed it.
Oh, the box is open. I didn't seal that one up.
Okay. Well, this was cold. Anyway, I hand him the finger bone.
He looks it over, takes it behind- up a step behind a half wall.
I follow him.
You can't. There's a counter.
How does he get up there?
He's behind the counter.
Well, he's behind the counter.
Does the counter not lift up?
Think a pharmacy.
Yes. Does the counter not lift up?
He sees you begin to lift it up. He says, please don't.
Respect the counter.
Okay. But can you say this in sight?
I will respect your counter.
Can you not see me?
I don't know. Can I? You said he walked behind a half wall.
Yeah. He went up step like in a pharmacy.
Follow my narrative.
I know. Sorry. I just freaked out a little bit.
I'm like, oh my God, what if he's evil?
What if he takes my fucking finger bone and it was a protection spell?
And I gave it to him and he made it not workable.
I mean, I think since he works here,
you're probably over reading the situation.
Yeah. That's the vodka.
Okay. Sorry, Arvid. Go ahead.
He begins working with some beakers and vials.
Is there a Bunsen burner?
Well, there's a magical Bunsen burner. It's just a flame in the air.
Is there some titration that's happening?
Yeah. Oh yeah. There's definite titration liquids bubbling in the background.
And he dips the finger into some liquid and it turns a bright purple.
Is purple good? I like purple.
Well, if protection from the undead is what you are hoping for,
then yes, purple is very good.
I really do like the color purple. Purple for protection. Thanks, Arvid.
He walks slowly back down the step and extends the finger towards you.
It gives you the finger.
Make a dexterity check.
I'm trying to make sure I don't touch him.
That is six plus two, one.
Now, is this just to avoid touching him?
Seven.
Or to take the finger from him.
He pulls the finger back and smiles a little bit.
Oh, God. Is this a pretty woman moment where he's like snaps it on me and I go...
Yep. That's exactly what happened.
It's off-lane.
If you could cue Roy Orbison's pretty woman right here.
Are you charmed by him now? Do you like him now?
I hate it when people do stuff like this to me.
He hands it back to you and says, just joking.
Oh, you're such a trickster and I take it from him.
And I turn around like my smile immediately and I turn around and I'm like, oh, my God.
Is my finger permanently purple or was it just the liquid that turned purple?
It was just the liquid that turned purple.
Okay, cool. I'm walking out.
I had done like that and turned around and I'm like, oh, my God, that guy.
He says, before you leave next, come back and see me.
I have something helpful.
Well, can we get it now?
We're here now. Can we have it now?
I'm working on it.
Okay. I mean, we're leaving really soon.
I will have it ready before you leave.
Okay.
Come see me.
All right.
Any any hint as to what it is?
Something good or is it?
Yes.
Is it going to be something?
Yes, it will be good.
Okay, she'll believe it when she sees it.
I've been brewing up some new potions.
It's not going to turn me yellow, is it?
Okay.
Why would it turn you yellow?
I'm already on board.
You had me at not going to turn me yellow.
I am here.
I'm here to assist not to play mean pranks like some sort of five-year-old.
Ozark, am I right?
Ozark.
You know, from Ozark's Bizard.
You heard of him?
No.
All right.
Bye.
Okay, bye.
Okay, bye.
I'm not about to explain Ozark and his Bizard to him.
Oh, that's part of the guilt.
You're not supposed to tell anybody about that.
It's like a whole other level, man.
I didn't know.
You know what?
I sort of forgot he was like-
Lab secrets all over the place or whatever.
Part of secret organization ruling the multiverse.
Yeah, it's fine.
Anyways, so you leave.
You head to the yawning portal.
You open the door and it is bustling.
There is a mix of people who look very concerned
and people who look like they're celebrating.
Now Russ, would you say that every day it's bustling?
Add it.
Add it to Spotify.
Yep.
I would.
Every day.
Perfect.
Every day it's bustling.
That's doing the rest.
No.
I will not.
I will not get sued by Party Rock.
What are you doing?
Do we see anyone we know?
I mean, you came in with Leosin.
No, we're looking for someone with a table, Russ.
Leosin doesn't have a table.
There are a couple tables.
It's bustling, but it's not full.
So there are a few tables.
You see Dernan, he's at the bar serving.
He sees you walk in and he lifts a glass,
giving you the signal that he'll be over with some drinks in a moment.
Nobody of great note that you really recognize, no.
Okay.
Well, let's go sit at our table and like, you know, have a debrief.
Totally.
Wait, we're getting naked?
Please, as if you were briefs anyway.
Guilty as charged.
Yeah.
Um.
Tom, roll a d20.
Whoa.
Speaking of.
Say 14.
You're flipped.
You're good.
Okay.
Is there any music playing or anything?
Yeah, there's a bard playing in the corner.
Nice.
Thea gets up and starts to dance.
Like a Nulara's like, you want a debrief?
And Thea just starts dancing.
And Thea says, yeah.
Yeah, but first this is my song.
All right.
Like I'm just feeling the music at the moment.
Describe to me how Thea.
It is very much for all the friends fans in the crowd.
It is very much a Phoebe Buffet style of dancing.
Like a lot of like swishy arm movements,
like when she's trying to seduce Chandler.
And like, like weird, like claw hand movements and stuff like that.
It's not very elegant.
Thea didn't get to go to any sort of like,
like, you know, dances and stuff like that when she was younger.
So.
No Julliard equivalent.
You were taking scribe lessons.
You weren't taking dance lessons.
There were no sock hops for Thea.
So.
So, so while this amazing dancing is happening,
what like I'm picturing the music to be like,
you know, barred kind of music.
Like it doesn't fit the dance at all.
Yeah, it's like minstrel type music.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
It doesn't really maybe go exactly with the dancing
in addition to the dancing being very nice.
It's more of like a stress reliever.
Yeah, that's fair.
Yeah, just while we're waiting for our drink.
I like it.
I know you haven't even had a single drink yet
and you're already dancing.
Well, that's what you think.
I'm pretty sure Thea has a flask on her somewhere.
So as I see the scene playing out,
Flint, Thea, Nularaaa, and Leosin and Donnie
were heading over to a table to go debrief.
How do they respond to Thea's impromptu claws?
Flint is sitting there and he kind of nudges Nularaaa.
He says, oh, she going to do the tiger claw
right if she does the tiger claw?
Of course.
Yeah, I think like, I mean, this is we've been together
a long time.
This is not the first time we are seeing these moves.
So I think we just are like, or I shouldn't say we.
Nularaaa is just like indulgently smiling.
Like, oh, yes.
You guys have had sleepovers, I get it.
You have fun.
You're having a good time up there and I'm glad you're glad.
Oh, and I do the thing where I try to get you to come dance with me
and you're like, no, actually, no, Thea, no.
No, definitely no.
Maybe Donnie dances with you.
I motion for Donnie to come dance.
Oh, Donnie, Donnie comes and dances.
As I think we mentioned last episode,
he is still like pretty new in his in his larger body.
So, you know, when he's fighting and stuff,
he is like, you know, kind of hyper aware and good.
Give me a dexterity saving throw for Donnie.
Oh, gosh.
Okay. Oh, gosh.
I already, I mean, it's not great already.
I can't remember what it is.
Donnie Rowland.
Yeah, no, it's a six.
It's a six he got.
So Donnie bumps into a lot of people.
Um, and a couple of them get quite upset at this.
And they stand up and then they look at a dragon dancing
and then they get quite scared.
Yeah, I noticed this interaction and dancing like beside
and every time he bumps into someone,
I'm always kind of like right.
And I'm like, oh, it's okay, buddy.
Um, and I'm trying to smooth things over with people
be like, listen, could be, could be our last night to dance.
Just they nod and sit back down and keep an eye on you.
So Donnie, why don't we, why don't we go sit down?
Cause he's actually starting to injure people now
and cause, um, like destruction of property
and things like that.
And we love Dernan.
Yeah, we like Dernan.
So we don't want to wreck this place.
No, we're putting the trash as far.
I mean, Dernan's no beefy stew, but he's pretty cool.
Exactly. He's pretty cool.
Dernan, in fact, brings, uh, uh, some, some
Stein's over and lays, puts them down on the table.
Um, this is, uh, so, uh, been, been up to anything,
anything fun?
We own Zalvo's tower now.
Congratulations.
Yeah, I guess so. I don't know.
Yeah, it's all new to us.
We don't really know how to feel about it yet.
Ever, ever owned a piece of real estate before?
No, kind of been more wanderers.
Travelers, adventurers, you know.
Well, you know, buy low, sell high.
That's what my, uh, my grandpappy used to tell me.
We didn't have to buy at all.
Hey, you bought as low as you can.
As low as possible.
Get the highest price you can.
Nothing but up from here.
I guess so.
Good advice. Good advice. Thanks, Dernan.
Yeah. Yeah, no problem. Anytime.
How about you? You been up to anything?
Uh, just, you know, tendon, tendon, tendon bar.
Seeing, uh, there's lots of, lots of people,
lots of people through here.
Have you seen Grog recently?
Our?
Uh, who's Grog?
Grog. Sorry, Grog.
Uh, oh, Grog. Yeah, yeah.
You know, like, alcohol, damn it.
You know, higher wine.
I mean, I just thought maybe you knew something.
I didn't. Yeah.
Uh, yeah, Grog hasn't been through, uh,
in the last, uh, couple days.
He was here through, uh, for the festival there
and then, uh, he's kind of just gone his own way.
You know him, he kind of comes and goes as he pleases.
He sure does.
How are, how are people doing?
I know it's real crowded here and everyone's,
you know, things aren't great right now,
but we're gonna make things are coming.
Everybody's, uh, rightfully concerned.
Everybody's displaced from, from wherever they came from.
They want to get back,
but they don't know if they can go back.
Well, you know what?
What you're doing here is super important.
Just a safe place to go with community,
friends, laughter, and drinks,
and just pretend like everything's okay for a few hours.
Good on you, Dernan.
Thank you. Thank you.
What you, what you guys are doing,
uh, really is, uh, is bringing up the spirits of everybody
and he points to a banner that's hanging over the,
uh, over the pit in the middle of the yawning portal
and it is the symbol of the decimator of dragons,
decimators of dragons.
He says, what you, what you four are doing is, uh, is noble.
Not a lot of people or adventurers or anybody,
for that matter, might do what you guys have done.
Well, thank you.
He nods and, uh, he gets called over from across the bar.
He says, I'll be around.
If you need anything, just let me know.
And he walks off.
I drink my drink.
So guys, how do we, how do we feel?
Nobody backed out.
I am really surprised, especially Ryan.
I was pretty impressed.
Man, I thought Ryan for sure.
Ryan seemed shady.
So I'm extra glad that we made our stance about the tower known
because, you know, could have got tricked into something there.
Yeah, and could have, could have had a lot of guilt attached to
if she had pulled out and not offered support.
But you know what?
That's all in the past.
Let's celebrate this, this really big win.
We have a great team.
There ever was one to defeat the rise of a horrible dragon goddess.
Cheers.
Yeah, I mean, cheers to that.
Leosin, who was a small man, tries to lift the stein of a beer.
And he lifts it with two hands and he goes to cheers you as well.
He says, you, you guys have no idea how close it was at some points
to many, many, many factions running, running for the hills.
Oh man.
He's going to drink and get loose-lipped.
I know.
Tell us more, tell us more.
He sips.
It must have been very stressful for you.
I have filled out so much paperwork.
You have no idea.
You were the only place that you're the only reason that place is running.
You're telling me you're telling me and he takes a big swig.
You get good compensation.
I mean, as good as can be expected.
I mean, they treating you well.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just making sure you're a real awesome guy.
Management has changed a few times since I've been,
since I've been here, but yeah, Lady, Lady Silverhand, she's, she's good.
She's good to me.
So Leosin, who, who seem like they might not be on board?
Cause it's, I mean, what we're doing is it's so obvious that
it's the right thing to stop the rise of Tiamat.
Um, yeah, um, well, the Zhentarim, it's always a question whether,
I mean, even now that they've said their support,
whether they actually show up.
That's always a big question.
Um.
Shady people.
Sir Istval, he's seen a lot of battle and his stance has been that
he wouldn't put him in his forces behind something he didn't believe in.
And he wasn't sure about, as he put it, you three yahoos.
I mean, it's pretty fair.
That's fair.
We've been called worse.
Oh, much worse.
He was a, he was a big question.
King Melandritch, uh, he's, he's a bit of a hothead
and, uh, disappeared a little bit after he found out about Nerenvain.
Yeah. I mean, that, that couldn't have been easy for him to hear.
No, we weren't sure about him and the Elven, Elvendritch knights.
So, um, there were a couple others, but, uh, they have all come around
and it appears that we have full forces going into what, what is to come.
How are you three feeling about what is to come?
Is there anything that we can do for you in order to help you prepare?
Is there anyone who can enhance my abilities a little bit?
Uh, how, how do you mean?
My spell casting abilities.
Um, you want like a magic tutor?
Yeah, well, you know, maybe someone to teach me a few new tricks, you know, like.
Um, well, I mean, you three are some of the most powerful adventurers.
Are you trying to scare us?
Are you trying to terrify us?
But if you look, if you look what you can do and what you have done.
This is pretty awesome.
Your powers and abilities are, are.
Okay, fine.
How about some healing potions?
I dare say it godlike.
Well, that's going to go to Thea's head.
We like to stay humble, so.
I know.
I just, I don't want you to underestimate the powers that you have going into this
battle that you have.
You have them, just make sure you use them.
I.e. don't forget shit.
Always get advice.
More what I was talking about is final, final arrangements.
Where, where do you come from?
Where is your families?
Where do you wish to have your worldly possessions sent back to if the worst happens?
The worst happens, you can send my knapsack back to my parents in silvery moon.
Oh, Leo-san, it's so like you to be talking to us about like legal paperwork here at
the bar as we're chatting.
And I, you know what?
We appreciate you for being you.
I'm just trying to look out for you.
What I'm saying is, is if there is somewhere you wish to go, we can make that happen.
I should go see my folks.
Well, it's been a while since you've been back there.
Yeah, but I guess if not now, when?
I mean, how could they be disappointed in me now?
I'm about to help save the world.
You're a decimator of dragons.
Right.
And you're pretty much godlike.
Exactly.
They're going to be happy to see you.
What do you think, Leo-san?
Get me a ship up there tomorrow?
I will do one better than a ship.
Don't worry.
A super ship.
A mega ship.
We have two days.
Half ship, half dinosaur.
Wow.
Well, shouldn't, shouldn't Nularaaaa ride that then?
Yes, yeah.
Nularaaaa, take me up the silvery moon on your half ship, half dinosaur.
Leo-san, I would love to go see my family too.
I haven't been, been home to High Forest in years and I'd love to see my brothers.
And they probably, gosh, you know,
I bet I have like a million nieces and nephews now.
That can be arranged, absolutely.
And you, Flint?
Yeah, it's been a long time since I've been back to Mithril Hall, so
I guess, in Thea's words, if not now, then when?
In the morning it shall be done.
I will send you to Mithril Hall, High Forest, and Silvery Moon
and arrange, as I have done for everybody, final papers as to direct your possessions,
your earnings, your whatever you have left for you.
Well, how are you going to get a tower delivered there?
Yes, the question of Xanthal's Tower.
Where do you guys stand on Xanthal's Tower?
Like, what do you want to do with that?
Oh my gosh, you know what, if we die, we should leave it to Greg.
Or, uh, or, uh, Flamikins.
I mean, you guys, I don't necessarily think she's the most responsible person to have the tower,
but she is kind of technically the one that kind of got us into the tower, sort of.
Okay, what about her and Thaddeus?
Yes.
Okay, the yin to the yang.
The joint custody.
If it is, if it passes, you know, by those who have entered it.
I mean, they're partial owners.
That's true.
So that seems right to me.
Okay, can you make that happen?
I will absolutely make that happen.
Awesome.
I drink more.
He too drinks more.
Oh yeah, since I'm drinking this whole time.
We've been drinking the whole time.
Everybody make a constitution saving throw.
Uh oh.
Thea got a four plus.
Yeah, you can't be poisoned.
You're fine.
Alcohol is a poison.
We were like, oh, yeah.
Dernan.
Dernan's been a sleeper agent this whole time.
This whole time.
What a surprise.
Uh, Flint, you make it with resistance.
I only rolled a seven, so I'm one drunk as fuck.
You're drunk as fuck.
I'm drunk as fuck.
It was some strong stuff.
Nularaaaia, you and Leosin are drunk as all get out.
What did Flint roll?
I have resistant to poison.
I think my 11 is probably good enough.
Yeah, you're fine.
So Leosin's like, you know what, you guys, since I met you
at that cave with the people who made me work so hard,
they were not good owners, bosses.
The cult of the dragon.
They were bad.
They're bad people.
I'm glad we're stopping them.
Yeah.
Oh, I hate the cult of the dragon, you guys.
They're the worst.
So bad.
We're totally gonna, we're gonna stop them, right?
If Tiamat was here right now, tell me, what would you do?
I would punch her in the, what do dragons have?
Well, she's got a lot of different heads.
Like so many heads.
Punch her in the head, the least bitey head.
I'd punch her in the most bitey head.
Don't let that go right after that.
There's white, there's black, there's blue, there's green.
What color says punch me?
When you're done with her, they're all gonna be black and blue.
Black and blue.
I'd punch her in all her faces.
I'm very fast.
Are you?
He punches and he's very fast.
Well, he's a monk.
I steady all the glasses on the table.
Wow.
Okay, okay.
If you could bone anyone in this, in this tavern.
What about her?
I point over, I point over to a...
I know the man of the faith.
I can't do that.
Not at all?
No.
What about kissing?
No.
Some smooching?
Some hugging?
Smoochies?
No.
Can you hold hands?
No.
Could you rub up against each other?
Close on.
No.
Yeah.
I don't like where this conversation is going.
This base system, the system of bases in Silvery Moon is fascinating.
There are many bases.
First base, rubbing up against each other.
Baseball's a very long sport.
Second base, holding hands.
Who says in Silvery Moon, you run to first base first?
You're right.
You know our baseball system.
Amy creates whole new baseball system.
Elves are freaky, y'all.
This is how it's played in Silvery Moon.
Tom Rollers, E20.
It's a nine.
You're bored.
I'm not wearing any underwear.
He knows what's up.
You've played baseball in Silvery Moon.
Why do you always tell us about your underwear, Flint?
So weird.
She wants me to rub up against people and he doesn't wear any underwear.
I didn't say you had to rub up against people.
I was just wondering.
I am not of the faith of any faith.
I barely have faith in myself.
You know what?
Let me tell you a secret.
I've never rubbed up against anybody.
All right, Theo.
I'll turn it back on you.
If there was someone in this bar to rub up against, who would it be?
Oh, Theo gets really quiet.
I'll go get the next round.
And she gets up and she walks up.
Theo does not answer that question.
She's an H Corps virgin.
Flint, you're very quiet.
What do you think about the end of the world?
Well, I think we're kind of fucked either way.
So let's dive in head first.
What's the end of the world?
And he knows it and he feels fine.
Spotify.
That's a Great Big C reference that Carla's not going to get.
No, that's R.A.M.
Yeah.
Great Big C was a cover.
It was a cover.
There was a better version.
Whoa.
Sacrilege, R.A.M.
They're both very similar.
That's true.
That's true.
You're very open right now.
I mean, this drink, it makes you feel bad.
I come back with more drinks.
Oh, good.
More bad feelings.
Are the drinks making you feel bad?
No, it's the end of the world.
No, it might be it's not.
Come on, we're going to work so hard.
We're going to punch the dragon in the face so many times.
We're going to totally stop her.
Don't worry about it.
I've filled out all the paperwork for both the end of the world
and not the end of the world.
And there's more paperwork for the end of the world,
which means it's probably what's going to happen
because there's more work that went into that.
So what you're saying is, you're done your job.
You already did both directions.
Hey, that sounds like we should drink to that.
So you're off now.
Here, here.
And he drinks heavily and he passes out.
So it wasn't a gentle pass out.
I took him in a little bit.
Poor guy.
You carry on partying throughout the night,
carrying Leosan around with you wherever you go.
We're so excited that he came out with us.
We don't want to let it go.
Because we don't want to just leave him somewhere to wake up.
Yeah, I know.
That would be very unsettling.
Oh, yeah.
We bar hopped.
We went to three other different taverns
and we just left you at the yawning portal.
Well, hello there.
I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More.
Thanks for joining us for episode 67 of Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Where do we stand?
I think we're standing in a pretty good place
as far as the adventures go.
And in real life, it's nearly the end of the year.
It's gone by super fast.
Super fast.
Can't believe it.
The next couple of weeks, we will be releasing
a couple different and fun episodes
to carry us through the holiday season.
But just because they're different
doesn't mean I haven't woven them into the story.
I mean, everything is connected now, right?
We hope you enjoy them.
Being the holiday season, we are celebrating
by hanging out with our patrons
during our monthly Goog Hang.
And this month we've moved it
because our normal time would have been on Christmas Day.
And I mean, we love everybody all that much,
but they don't want to hang.
You don't want to hang out with us on Christmas Day.
You got family and friends to do that with.
So this month, we're doing a morning Goog Hang
on Saturday, December 22nd.
And if you've been thinking about joining
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jumping on this month.
Because of the $2 plus levels,
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and thanks to Sirenscape today
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This whole episode is filled with it.
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Links for everything mentioned today
can be found in the description.
The next episode will be out Wednesday, December 26th.
Let's see how the night ended for our adventurers
and who still has their pants on.
Spoiler alert, probably not Flint.
Have a very Merry Christmas
if that's what you celebrate.
A wonderful winter solstice if it's not
and we'll talk very soon.
Where does everybody wake up in the morning?
I wake up in my bed.
I don't know.
It doesn't get drunk drunk.
I mean, I was real drunk.
So like probably on the floor beside my bed.
Probably the parking lot of a Denny's
without your clothes on.
That kind of drunk, is that what you were?
I mean, you just said we carried Leosin around.
So I can't imagine now you guys left me
outside of Denny's, I hope.
We're like, we got to make sure he gets home okay.
You're on your own.
You survive in the wilderness.
He's soft.
You're the godlike adventurer, he says.
He's been pushing papers for a very long time.
He may be able to punch fast, but he's not conscious.
Okay, you guys wake up.
And Flint, roll a d20.
It's a 17.
Okay, you're back to Flint.
When you wake up.
And you all head to Leosin's office and he looks pretty hard off.
But he says, okay, so we're gonna go to the teleportation chamber.
And I'm gonna send you guys to the places we talked about.
Silvery Moon, and he points to Flint.
High Forest, he points to Thea.
And Mithril Hall, and he points to Nularaaa.
Right?
Can we all just move to the points that he was pointing at?
Just to help him out.
Got it.
Good.
Okay, let's go.
You doing okay?
Yeah, I'm good.
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry.
I don't run the teleportation part of it.
You go to Vom?
Later.
If you're gonna spew, spew into this, I'll put it onto the tel-
And then it'll vanish it somewhere and somebody's gonna have a real bad day.
Imagine some poor, like, I don't know, some halflings walking through the forest
and out of nowhere just get hit by a stream of vomit.
Don't do that to someone, Leosin, that'd be just terrible.
All right, whoever's going, and then you get to the teleportation chamber
and there are a couple wizards standing, waiting.
And he says, all right, who's going first?
I will.
You step into the teleportation chamber, into the ruins,
and the wizards begin reading their incantations.
And the ruins begin to glow, and the haze begins to fill your vision,
and your friends disappear from sight.
I wave.
And your vision begins to come back to you.
Where are you?
I am at the, at the, like, outskirts, the entrance, I guess, of Silvery Moon.
Two guards are standing at the gate to Silvery Moon.
The doors are barred, and they see you
apparate in front of them, see the ruins,
and they look like they're on guard when you become visible.
But once the haze clears, they see you, and they lower their weapons, and they say,
Ms. Amastasia, it's been a long, long time since you've been back.
Quick, yes, come in.
And they open the gates for you, and you head into Silvery Moon.
I give them the curt nod.
Back in Waterdeep.
All right, who's next?
Okay, I'll go.
You step into the circle, and the runes begin to glow and move around you, swirling.
Your vision of the room disappears.
The haze begins to clear.
Where are you, and what do you see?
So I am in High Forest, which is where I grew up.
So I am literally in the forest right now.
And I think since it was, you know, fairly recently harvest time, it is autumn.
So it's like really beautiful and colorful sort of deciduous trees everywhere as they're
about to shed their fall leaves.
And I'm going to head to, like, essentially my family's property.
Like, you know, six brothers, but they all, you know, are in their own homes
with their own families now, probably, but on the same property.
You make your way to the outskirts of where you know the property to be, and you see
a man tending, just kind of clearing a field of where a harvest had just taken place.
Which of your brothers do you see?
I see Verez.
As you step closer, you
make a mistake, snap a twig or something, something to catch his attention.
I do not snap a twig.
Thank you very much.
My goodness.
As you step forward, Donnie snaps a twig.
And Verez turns around and sees you and Donnie walking up.
First a little shock at seeing a gold dragon worming, but then seeing you,
he drops everything in his hand and with a gasp says,
Nulara.
It's me.
I'm home.
How are you?
And I kind of, like, speed up.
You know, it's my brother.
I'm not going to, like, run open-armed across a field, but, you know,
I'm walking bristly.
I'm very excited.
He runs towards you and calls out, Nulara's back.
Nulara's back.
And you look around and you see people come out of the buildings that are built there.
The literal woodwork.
The literal woodwork.
And you see all of your brothers and their,
and their, what you can presume to be some of their children running out towards you.
Back in Waterdeep.
Well, like, you're last there, bud.
You ready?
Yeah, yeah, let's do this.
You step into the circle and the same process that you've seen before,
the wizards begin their incantation and the haze begins to fill your vision.
And you, your vision comes back and
where are you and what do you see?
I'm in a spot I know very, very well.
I'm at the hidden passage entrance to Mithril Hall.
It looks just like a plain wall to the untrained eye,
but if you know where to look, you know exactly where the door is.
I do the sequence of movements needed to do with the loose stones on the door.
And I unlocked the puzzle.
I thought you were, like,
Vogue-ing?
Just Vogue.
That would be amazing if I was.
The door begins to grind open slowly.
Inside you hear the workings of the inside of Mithril Hall,
which are very familiar to you.
And you step in and descend down into the heart of the mountain.
And you see the entire city of Mithril Hall, which you haven't seen in a long, long time.
We cut to somewhere else.
It's black.
You hear footsteps, kind of scuffling about, trying to find a place to go.
You hear a voice, and it says,
Um, hey, uh, hey, Victor?
Victor, where'd you go?
You hear footsteps walking closer to your position.
Hey, it's not funny, man.
Like, it's very dark in here.
You see a sliver of white light begin to crack within the darkness.
Hey, what are you, what are you doing over there?
And it begins to tear open into the darkness.
That's not, that's not good.
And hands begin to reach out and begin prying apart the white light.
And faces begin to be seen, ghostly, demonic faces.
And the camera pans back, and you see the face of a ghostly Grancis.
Oh boy, we're in trouble now.
Some of the music in today's episode is by Kavin McLeod of Incompetech.Filmmusic.io
and Scott Buckley at ScottBuckley.com.au.
I'm just going to say, based on the decisions and the events unfolded by you and your team
here, everybody, we'll decide who is in and who is out.
Are actions in the past or in this meeting currently occurring?
In the past or in this meeting currently occurring?
Because I've already yelled at everybody, stood on a table, sat backwards on a chair.
This here I'm showing on Skype is a scorecard based on all the decisions made.
Why was there so many F's on it?
Russ, this is fascinating.
And what kind of math were you doing that there's a whole bunch of F's on it?
Those are letters.
Yeah, when did you start this sheet?
Since the beginning of Rise of Tiamat.
Oh my god, are you for real?
Yeah.
Russ, oh my god, that's amazing.
Listeners, you should see his face right now.
He looks like, I don't know, like a kid with like-
He should be.
This is all up to you.
I mean, I hate it.
I hate that you're saying that.
We did our best, you guys.
We did our best.
It's kind of better because it means it's already decided, right?
A long time coming.
Yeah, it's not just spur of the moment.
What if we're throwing those people in that river that one time?
Nobody knows about that.
That was before we recorded.
That never happened.
We never used to say Tiamat up in the river all the time.
Amy didn't have that suggestion for us.
You guys do with the prisoner ones.
She said they and then you threw me right under the bus and into the river, Tom.
After tying you up.
They, I've been told that they find the chewing crunching of Paisley endearing.
I don't know if that's what they meant.
Look at it.
Is quite loud.
Go somewhere else.
Oh my god, she got up.
She left.
Good girl.
Oh my goodness.
Good girl.
Go for that positive reinforcement, Paisley.
Jesus.
Why is he looking at us?
She's looking around the room.
Not at anyone.
No, I meant why is Russ looking at us?
That not all of us.
Well, I can't look at somebody.
She goes, but not you, Donnie.
You'll be fine.
Donnie, you'll be good.
Donnie will live on.
Dog is audibly farting under the table.
Oh, no.
I like how Carla said, I know.
And it's like, no, I said, oh, no.
I said, oh, no.
I know.
I can hear the farts.
I couldn't hear it.
I can just hear the bone chewing.
She's like, oh, god, I swear it's not me.
Why are you looking at Austin Powers?
Shit.
Because of our other podcast.
Russ, how many times do we need to tell you about this?
I was also looking at you.
So this is just something.
Wait, was he dressed up as Austin Powers?
You put your right foot in.
You put your right foot.
That's her incantations.
It's the hokey pokey.
I'm sorry.
Keep going.
You're doing great.
Flint and Leosan wizards.
No, you're just blind now.
Exactly.
Your vision disappeared.
Sorry.
They rolled poor on that one.
You can't be hung over when you teleport.
Did we not mention that?
It does cause blindness.
And then Leosan and Flint just go up to you and be like,
hey, we're your brothers.
Hey, welcome back.
This is Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.